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[Aug. 9th, 2005|11:19 pm] |
Yes, Anastasia - Tori Amos
I know what you want
The magpies have come
If you know me so well then tell me which hand I use
Make them go
Make it go
Saw her there in a restaurant
Poppy don’t go
I know your mother is a good one
but Poppy don’t go
I’ll take you home
Show me the things I’ve been missing
Show me the ways I forgot to be speaking
Show me the ways to get back to the garden
Show me the ways to get around the get around
Show me the ways to button up buttons
that have forgotten they’re buttons
Well we can’t have that forgetting that
Girls girls what have we done
What have we done to ourselves
Driving on the vine over clothes lines
but officer I saw the sign
Thought I’d been through this in 1919
Counting the tears of ten thousand men
and gathered them all but my feet are slipping
There’s something we left on the windowsill
There’s something we left, yes
We’ll see how brave you are
We’ll see how fast you’ll be running
We’ll see how brave you are
Yes, Anastasia
and all your dollies have friends
Thought she deserved no less than she’d give
Well happy birthday
Her blood’s on my hands
It’s kind of a shame cause I did like that dress
It’s funny the things that you find in the rain
The things that you find, yes
in the mall and in the date-mines
in the knot still in her hair
on the bus I’m on my way down, on my way down
All the girls seem to be there
We’ll see how brave you are, oh yes
We’ll see how fast you’ll be running
We’ll see how brave you are
We’ll see
We’ll see how brave you are, oh yes
We’ll see how fast you’ll be running
We’ll see how brave you are
Yes, Anastasia
Come along now little darlin’
Come along now with me
Come along now little darlin’
We’ll see how brave you are |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 31st, 2005|01:55 am] |
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The erotic has its reasons that reason doesn't know. |
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| random lyrics, cause i'm sad... |
[Jul. 28th, 2005|01:09 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
| [ | musik |
| | everything | ] |
Many times I've tried to tell you
Many times I've cried alone
Always I'm surprised how well you
Cut my feelings to the bone
Maybe it's a sign of weakness
When I don't know what to say
Maybe I just wouldn't know
What to do with my strength anyway
Lonely is the room, the bed is made, the open window lets the rain in
Burning in the corner is the only one who dreams he had you with him
My body turns and yearns for a sleep that will never come
It’s never over, my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder
It’s never over, all my riches for her smiles when I slept so soft against her
It’s never over, all my blood for the sweetness of her laughter
It’s never over, she’s the tear that hangs inside my soul forever
Well maybe I’m just too young
To keep good love from going wrong
Oh... lover, you should’ve come over
’cause it’s not too late
What can I tell you
my brother, my killer
What can I possibly say
Hey, I guess that I miss you
I guess I forgive you
I'm glad you stood in my way
You crush the lily in my soul. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 27th, 2005|04:37 pm] |
This is what you shall do:
Love the earth and the Sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to everyone that asks, stand up for the stupid and the crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence towards the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown, or to any man or number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and mothers of families, re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul; and your very flesh shall be a great poem, and have the richest fluency, not only in its words, but in the silent lines of its lips and face, and between the lashes of your eyes, and in every motion and joint of your body.
— Walt Whitman |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 26th, 2005|09:43 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
A year ago, when me and my boyfriend broke up, I was extremely frightened and lonely and sad nearly every night. He had become a raging heartless asshole, and not only did it crush me, I think I kind of stopped trusting myself too for not seeing it coming and trusting so completely in him (for so many years).
I began dating someone within a few months. I wasn't ready, but I was ready for sex. He was an attractive guy who sent me flowers and claimed to love me after a short while of dating. I didn't see it working out and ended it. I'd honestly never broken up with anyone before. I think I always just settled for anyone that I thought loved me.
Then I semi-dated my first love. He use to be a gentleman and he showered me with compliments the few times we hung out. He stood me up twice. The first time I had written it off as us not really having specific plans, but the second time it was blatant stand up and I texted him that I would never make plans with him again. I have not heard from him since and was actually kind of hurt for a couple of weeks.
I'm not scared of being hurt or rejected anymore. Maybe it's because I feel like no one can ever possibly hurt me the way I've been hurt already. And I'm not really scared of being alone anymore either, I think I'm just use to it.
Also, around this time, I heard a guy around my age say that marriage was "totally a 30's thing" and it hit me that that is the way men - atleast the ones I've loved - see things. It was enlightening. I've felt all this pressure to settle down while men are out there having fun and not taking anything seriously. I've decided that they're onto something. So, I'm not going to worry about finding anyone anymore and just have fun too.
I feel like I've gone through a metamorphisis. I've dated all kinds of guys and have not had my feelings hurt in the least by any of them. I feel a bit fearless actually. I've also been exploring sexually. I've dated a woman and had a threesome too. I feel like it is all very healthy.
I think I'm more honest, patient, in control and maybe a little wiser too.
It is amazing and I owe it all to having my heart smashed.
One thing is for sure: I'm never going to make it easy on another man, if they want it bad enough, they can work for it. I just don't have the time for anything less. |
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| I'm Not Afraid, Baby |
[Jul. 23rd, 2005|04:36 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  weird | ] |
| [ | musik |
| | Woman Like A Man - Damien Rice | ] |
I dreamed about Brian while talking a nap today. Oh god. I'm just really curious about what he is like now... Or maybe there's just something about him physically that fucking slays me. Because I hardly remember what he was like in the first place!
I remember he use to fuck me for hours...
Ok, the truth is, I want to fuck him.
I wonder if I will get to see him? I mean, there is a chance he would love to see me, I've heard he asks about me. If he wants to, he knows Jay is his chance. So I just sit back, have patience and let him come to me.
Let me be clear: I would never in a million years have a relationship with him. I wouldn't even let myself have a crush on him like that, it's possible, but I doubt it.
Actually, if I can just be a bad person for a minute, it'd be the ultimate revenge. And I just know I could do it. We have mind blowing sex a few times, I rock his world, then I "lose interest." No biggie. It's not like it'd hurt him.
Ok Brooke, while biding your time, lose a shitload of weight.
I love this newfound glory, by the way.
This is my fav song right now-
Woman Like A Man - Damien Rice
I need a hit
Want to wait
Suck it up
Cum
My love
Eat your meat
Itchy feet
Run
You reach me
You bleach me
You teach me of me
How familiar
We're bad
What we do
Stupid fools
You wanna get boned
You wanna get stoned
You wanna get a room like no-one else
You wanna be rich
You wanna be kitsch
You wanna be the bastard of yourself
You wanna get burned
You wanna get turned
You wanna get fucked inside out
You wanna be ruled
You wanna be fooled
You wanna be a woman like a man
Like a woman, like a, like a man
Like a man, like a man, like a man
Like a man, man, man, man...
Like a man, man, man, man...
Woman like a man
*sigh*
Oh yes, and the wonderful big dick Jay called twice today. :) |
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| a woman like a man |
[Jul. 22nd, 2005|09:30 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  energetic | ] |
I go boldly,
into that good night,
no more tragic love songs,
no more stupid fight.
passion seeking pleasure
no more sinking like a stone
i flow freely anywhere
anywhere I want. |
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| Ooh Let Me See |
[Jul. 21st, 2005|10:58 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  horny | ] |
| [ | musik |
| | Datura - Tori Amos | ] |
Yesterday evening I was taking a nap on the couch when I hear Jay, Natalie's friend, asking me what I'm doing and rubbing me (perhaps copping a feel?) up and down my waist. I sat up and noticed he was looking pretty fucking cute. Anyway, so we all start looking for grass. Jay grabs the phn book and looks up a # and when I heard him say, "Hey Brian" I somehow knew immediately he was talking to Brian and suddenly remembered the two of them being friends way back in the day. Brian Jones was my other major love/heart break in high school.
When I came back from walking the dogs I heard Natalie whispering not to tell me something and smiling. I said I already knew that was Brian J. & didn't care. I said, "Actually, call that fucker back, tell him it's for Brooke XXXXXX & that he better find some grass, he fucking owes me!" I was joking and knew it wouldn't actually bring us any grass, but thought his response might be funny. So I did get Jay to call him back. He said he was at a friend's house and that she said she knew him, gave him my name, then there was a LONG pause after he said my last name. So long in fact that Jay had to say, "Hello? Do you know her?" (hahahaha) then he asked if that change anything and Brian explained that he really couldn't get any tonight, but could tomorrow. And then strangely, the two of them make plans for Sunday and talked for about 10 minutes. The first time they talked for 3 minutes and ended w/ Jay saying keep in touch. Hmmm.
I told Jay to let us know if Brian actually calls back and to tell him that I said he could bring him over here sometime. I didn't know if that actually would happen, but to say it anyway to fuck with him. Jay said, hell yes, I love fucking w/ Brian.
See, the last time I talked to Brian was when he called me up randomly 2-3 yrs after we broke up at 3am and asked for my forgiveness.
Can I just say that I love how I am strong enough to not only engage these motherfuckers (Daniel too) but now, I actually want to fuck with them. I use to cringe at the thought of ever even running into them.
Anyways, so then we all went for mexican and I had a huge margarita that got me drunk off my ass. Jay insisted on paying for all of us. He also told me all I needed was some code to fix my CD player, but we couldn't find my manual. He offered to fix my bed for me too, but I told him I would hit him up for that next time (b/c I was buzzing). He is pretty sweet.
I told him on the way home from Guadalajara that he could drink the rest of his beer and was welcome to stay over. When we got home, Natalie found my corset in the mail (yay!) so naturally I had to try it on. I love it by the way, it's everything I imagined and more. ;) I decided to wear it around, you know test drive it, under my clothes. Then he wanted to see it so I thought fuck it, and showed him too.
So when Natalie went to bed he wanted to watch a movie and kept insisting on watching something I liked. He kept on and on until I put Tori on. He said he liked her and it looked like me playing the piano. (Why do people keep saying that?? Are they crazy??) He asked a couple more times about the corset, wanted to see the back again and wanted to know about the boning (so that I had to let him touch it) and told me those were sexy as hell, that you never see a girl wearing one of those.
He continued to keep on about a foot massage until I told him that he did buy us dinner and agreed to give him one. I sat on the couch w/ him and finished a cigarette, letting him put his feet on and against me and I eventually moved to the floor, got my rose scented lotion out, gave his feet a deep tissue massage, told him it was bed time and good night. I fixed him up w/ some blankets and went to bed.
Minutes later I hear him fumbling down the hall (I was waiting on it) to the bathroom. When he came out, I told him he could just leave the bathroom door open so he could see. He said he was trying not to wake anyone, asked if I was asleep yet & if he could come in for a bit. I said yes. He got on top of me, rolled over me, and went to the back side of the bed, spooning me. I told him I couldn't sleep with him because I had an infection due to the antibiotics I was taking last week. He said that was cool and kept on squeezing and pulling me close. I didn't know how I felt about it at first but it was beginning to turn me on and I think he knew it. He finally said, "come here." I rolled over into his arms and we started making out. I was running my hands through his hair, down his neck, all under his shirt, his back, chest and stomach. His skin was oddly soft and smooth.
I "accidentally" touched his cock with the back of my right hand. I could tell it was definately not small. Good thing, because I wasn't in the mood to service a small cock. I started running my fingers back and forth across his stomach, just under his belt. I rubbed the crotch of his pants; I could tell he was rock hard but still couldn't tell just how big his cock was. Finally, when I'd built up enough tension and I knew he wasn't expecting it, I slid my hand down his pants and took it in my hand.
My response was, "Oh my god." It is huge! I could actually feel my pussy filling with juices. More juices, that is. I quickly start fumbling with his belt, I wanted it out of there immediately. He asked if I needed some help and what I was doing. I told him I just wanted to see it. He helps me undo his belt, I unbutton and unzip, again he helps me with his boxers (he wears some tricky clothes I swear) and I pull it out.
Oh it was a sight to behold. Long, thick, amazing. The biggest dick I have ever seen. Longer than from the base of my palm to the tip of my middle finger. I eagerly took it into my mouth. I had trouble keeping even half of it wet and when I deep throated it to make more saliva, there were many inches left, maybe 4? 3 at the least. I told him I couldn't take it all the way in, he said, "Oh what you're doing is just fine." I was in agony that I couldn't see how it felt in my pussy, but I was more than happy to suck on it for him.
I was taking my time too, fucking my mouth with it really slowly, getting it as sloppy wet as I could, making slurpy sounds, moaning all over it, etc., but it didn't take him long to cum at all. I didn't even see it coming (no pun intended), I just happen to have about 3" of it in my mouth while stroking up and down the middle/bottom of it. I wasn't even stroking near the head of it, and I was basically just doing that for fun, feeling how long and thick it was with my hand. All the sudden, he says, "Woah, ease up a minute... nevermind, fuck it." And started cumming all in my mouth. God, it was hot. I moaned the whole time, never moving my mouth off the tip of his cock and milking every last drop of cum out of it with my hand. When I was sure he was done, I swallowed all of it (his cum did not taste bad at all) and went back to sucking. It was still as hard and as strong as ever. I continued sucking for about another minute, figuring he would stop me at any minute, but he didn't. I asked him if he wanted me to stop and went back to sucking. He went back and forth, "yes, no, yes, no.. well...i don't know." I told him I knew he hated to say yes and stopped.
He thanked me repeatedly, told me I'd made his whole week, asked me if he could come back when I was recovered, and wanted me to sleep on his arm. I did. And I tried to sleep but I was so turned on... I knew he just needed a little recovery time before I could suck him off again. Patiently I waited before slipping my hand between his legs again. I asked why he had his pants on, he said he was grabbing his boxers and accidentally grabbed them too so he just put them on. Weirdo. He quickly got out of them and I took him back in my mouth. This time I had to work a lot harder for it, but it was much of the same. I just took my time and did what I do. I told him to feel free to tell me if there is something else he likes but he said he loved what I was doing. And this time I got to really fuck him with my mouth, him pumping into it and all. I moaned during this, he must have known I liked that. And this time when he came, it was the same, but I was moving my mouth up and down too.
After this, we fell asleep. I must have been having a sex dream though because I woke up and said, "I can't wait for you to fuck me." I don't even know if he heard it. I fell back asleep, woke back up, and reached for his cock again. It was soft but still large. He wanted me to take my corset off (I sleep in it for waist training, etc.), so I did. He starts sucking my tits and I think tried to get between my legs but I wouldn't let him. The next thing I know he has climbed on top of me and is fucking my tits. Once again, so fucking hot. I was so turned on, I can't even begin to tell you. I was trying to catch it in my mouth and eventually did and he moved up towards the wall and literally fucked my mouth. So. HOT. He didn't try to force it all the way in or anything, it was a perfect mouth fuck. And it didn't take him long before he shot another load all in my mouth and I happily swallowed.
When it was over, I was in a weird place. I love a good tease but that was crazy. I rolled over and buried my head in my pillow. He better come back and fuck my brains out. I need that one deep inside me.
Of course when he left this morning he was acting weird. Natalie said she bets he was. I asked her why and she said he is a very weird guy. Also, Natalie told me not only have the two of them had sex but she took his virginity (a loooong time ago). Ooops. She said she didn't care and I hope that's true. Because he owes me one... or three. |
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| smells like sex |
[Jul. 15th, 2005|11:22 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | pleased | ] |
I had the ultimate sexual experience Monday night. I finally made it over to Cameron's around 11, me and Cam drank wine, flirted, I put some thick liquid liner on her, went to the bathroom and when I came back, walked in on her blowing her boyfriend. We stayed on the couch for a bit, us both sucking him I think, and then moved the party into her bedroom. I was pretty buzzed at first but I know he fucked her pussy first, then mine, and then hers again while I fucked her pussy at the same time with two fingers and rubbed her clit.. keeping my fingers wet with my mouth. The whole thing lasted from about 12:30-6:30. That's right, a 6 hour totally uninhibited dirty fuck fest. It was amazing. I fucked her with a dildo while she blew him, I ate her out while he fucked me doggystyle, and I think she ate me while he fucked her. I don't know, I just know I've never been ate like that before. Mmmmm, we did it all. Dirty talking and non-stop sucking & fucking. Jason managed to stay hard all night too. She would blow him and then stick it in my mouth and then we would make out with head of his cock in both of our mouths, rinse and repeat. All night long baby.
Such hot little goths. Cameron with her super long hair, nice big soft tits and full lips. And Jason with his big hard cock. All the while Marilyn Manson, Korn, Type O Negative are playing throughout the apartment. It was hott. And there is really NOTHING like a threesome. Nothing. It is the best of both worlds and the possibilities really are endless.
I'm going to buy Cameron some of those black net panties so that I can pull them to the side while I eat her next time. That'd be hott. Maybe put those nipple clamps on her too. Can't wait.
Thank you Jason & Cameron! :) :) :) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 10th, 2005|05:56 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | chipper | ] |
| [ | musik |
| | Rubberband Girl - Kate Bush | ] |
I have been meaning to write in my journal for weeks. I've had some pretty amazing sexual experiences lately.
First, there's Jason. Who turned out to be very christian, but that turned out to be really hot, because he would ask for forgiveness afterwards. Oh, and he's the least shy guy I've ever been with in the bedroom. I'm talking confident as hell. And a very dirty mouth, which I love. But also a perfect gentleman which I totally appreciate right about now. Especially after Joe! I never answer his calls anymore, by the way. I can get much better sex elsewhere.
And then, last night, there was Cameron. A chick!! A really pretty one too!! This is amazing. I finally got to play with some titties and eat a girl out. I am so happy about this. It was friggin' HOT. I loved the taste and smell of her. And just making out with her was cool, her lips were so soft. Ahh..
Her ex stayed the night that night too. He went to bed a few hours before we started fooling around. When I started eating her out, she was moaning so loud, I just knew he could hear us though I don't know if he did or not. Either way, I thought it was pretty hot. Like, hey, I've got your girlfriend in here moaning my name! And he did eventually walk in, while we were sitting there rubbing each others tits. I loved it.
She's mentioned having a threesome with her ex-boyfriend. He's cute, has cool dyed black hair, and she says he has a nice cock and is great in bed. Works for me. Did I mention she's hot too?! :) She has loooong reddish/blonde hair dyed black in the front, big full lips, beautiful eyes and GREAT tits. I'm super attracted to her & I can't wait to get my hands on those tits again! Mmm, my tongue too. God, licking them got me sooo wet. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 14th, 2005|11:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | musik |
| | Pixies - Here Comes Your Man | ] |
I am feeling pretty good about my life today. Mostly.
I have no man, no love, I'm overweight, have a job but no career, my apartment is a wreck, all my clothes are dirty.. but somehow, I just looked at myself in the mirror and thought, "Hey, I really like you, you sexy, sexy bitch." I thought the same thing this morning.
But if I hadn't gotten naked and had awesome sex last night, I'd probably feel different. I usually do.
I love sex. Sex is very good. I love hot, dirty, raw sex with hot guys with large cocks. There, I said it. I am not a slut, but I love to be called one. And Joe is probably the hottest guy I've ever had sex with. I usually don't like his type, but I don't even care what type he is, he is so hot. He reminds me of someone I use to have a crush on. I honestly don't even like him, but am soooooo attracted to him. We were doing it too often in the beginning I think, which caused him to think that I have a crush on him, which pissed me off, but I missed his cock (which is as big around as Little Monster) and so now we are only going to do it every now and then. Don't know if he knows that. Hah, we barely talk and I love it. He has never even asked where I work, nor have I asked where he goes to school and what for. And we've fucked probably 5 times. Good times, good times. But really, it's better this way. I just want him to fuck me and talk dirty to me once a week or so.
I made him cum so hard last night. He just lay there, breathing hard and staring at the ceiling for like a solid minute longer while I licked all the cum off of him. I was satisfied too, I can't wait to go back with my new batteries though because I came a lot harder when I got home and changed them out. The old ones were a lot weaker than I had noticed. Anyway, he is so dirty...
He wants us to go out for drinks while I look for bisexual chicks for him to talk to for us. He's great dude. This is fun.
I plan on having a great, adventurous life. In a healthy way too. I'm going to explore. ;)
Someone better stop me!~
In other great news, I have the next 3 DAYS off!! And atleast one other day this weekend. Thank you cheap City Stages weekend passes, thank you for giving me an excuse for a vacation.
Also, Neil called today. It was weird, I had just had a dream about him and fruit flavored cigarettes. Anyway, we were actually nice to each other and I told him if he's ever horney and in town.. Don't know if that's really a good idea though. He asked what about tonight, and I said no, the apartment is too messy and I'm closing. |
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